Zombieland (2009)

Movie quotes:
"I haven't cried like that since Titanic!"
- Tallahassee

"I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland."
- Columbus

"You're like a giant... cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab."
- Columbus (to Tallahassee)

Tallahassee: Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where the fuck are the God damn Twinkies?
Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.
Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the flavor, but the consistency.

Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee: Out east, yeah?
Columbus: Yeah.
Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's out east, out east they hear it's out west. It's all bullshit. It's like you're a penguin at the North Pole hears the South Pole is real nice this time of year.
Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

Tallahassee: [referring to Wichita and Little Rock, who previously hijacked them] They're in the back, aren't they?
Little Rock: [pops up holding shotgun] Just me.
Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a little girl?
Columbus: She was like a crouching tiger...
Tallahassee: She's twelve!
Columbus: Well, girls mature way faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.
Little Rock: Twelve's the new twenty.

"No! She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana! She's only famous when she's wearing the wig!"
- Little Rock (to Tallahassee)

"In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... coulda... shoulda."
- Columbus

Little Rock: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there.
Columbus: The amusement park?
Little Rock: Yep!
Tallahassee: That place totally blows!
[Little Rock and Wichita shoot Tallahassee angry looks]
Tallahassee: ... my mind. Just fun for the whole family.

Little Rock: [as Bill Murray is dying] Do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray: Garfield maybe.

At a glance:
Even non-gore fans will love the constant laughs and the smart scripting of Zombieland

Our review (with spoilers):
Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg, channeling Michael Cera) never liked people very much, anyway, so when mad cow disease turns almost everyone into cannibal zombies, he doesn’t miss the human company all that much. His loner life and anal retentiveness has prepared him to be a survivor. He lives by a long list of rules like "Don’t be a hero" and "Double Tap" (don’t spare ammunition – always shoot until the zombies are dead). Still, he misses his parents and hopes that his home town of Columbus was spared. As he heads there, he meets a cowboy-hat-wearing non-zombie: Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). Tallahassee’s ‘no fear’ attitude compliments the phobias of Columbus. These guys seem to be savvy survivors, but in a moment of weakness, they are scammed by two con artist sisters, Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin). For a while, the battle between human and zombie is usurped by the feud between the guys and the girls.

Zombieland has it all: the movement of a road movie, a witty and often hilarious script, a coming of age story for Columbus, and vomiting, bleeding-from-the-mouth, ravenous zombies. There’s also a big surprise ‘guest’ appearance when the non-zombies choose a Beverly Hills mansion as a rest stop – and I’ve already said too much about that. There are also some quirky touches – like everyone except the big star is referred to by their home. Columbus even calls his first ‘girlfriend’ by her apartment number (406).

Brimming with topical pop humor and movie in-jokes, Zombieland is laugh-inducing – and sometimes stomach-churning – from start to finish, often at the same moments. I am not at all a fan of gore, but if every gore movie was as funny and as well-written as Zombieland, I’d watch them all.

Rating: 3.5 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"This spoof on the zombie genre literally and figuratively is killer. It's laugh-out-loud funny, the gore is beautifully over-the-top, and the wicked script is laced with a cutting wit."
- Christopher Smith (Bangor Daily News [Maine]

"Very funny, often thrilling and full of neat little touches that should make it entirely rewatchable, Zombieland sees Fleischer join the ranks of directors – Romero, Wright, Raimi, Snyder – whose first films aren’t just zombie films, but great films."
- Chris Hewitt [UK] Empire Magazine

Terminator Salvation (2009)

Movie quotes:
Kate Connor: What should I tell your men when they find out you're gone?
John Connor: I'll be back.

At a glance:
The fourth Terminator installment is packed with loud battle scenes and imaginative special effects, but director McG and the usually brilliant Christian Bale can’t deliver the required emotional depth

Our review (with spoilers):
In the Terminator-infested future, two of the most important people in the history of the saga intersect: the almost terminally indestructible resistance leader, John Connor (Christian Bale), and a teenage boy named Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), fighting almost on his own . It matters little that Connor is a man and Reese a boy; through the miracle of time travel, Reese is Connor’s father. Separate but linked by Connor’s radio broadcasts, they battle against a varied array of SkyNet-brand threats: motorcycles, jets, and the usual army of walking skeleton machines. Into the mix is a new element, a machine who thinks he is a man, with the strength of a Terminator but the conscience of someone who has made mistakes and wants to make things right.

Salvation is loud, exciting, and sometimes dumbed down, but not with that charming Bruckheimer self-awareness of its dumbness (a la National Treasure). Bale is a wonderful actor, but he’s often rendered ineffective by clichéd dialogue. There are parts of Salvation that work smoothly. I was intrigued by the concept of the ‘human’ terminator becoming aware of who he is (although I’m sure a lot of people would cringe at a terminator turned into someone with a conscience, just as many people felt that later Trek franchises humanized – and weakened- the Borg). There’s a great ‘cameo’ by an almost nude and fully terrifying Arnold Schwarzenegger lookalike (made with a scan of Arnie’s face CGI’d onto another actor). Other bits of Salvation don’t work quite so well. There are some scenes, such as Marcus’s computer interaction in SkyNet headquarters that are almost yawn inducing. And the terminators and their various and sundry forms (planes, motorcycles, etc.) are creative, but they are also not as terrifying as they were before. Sure, they are relentless and everywhere, but they also seem a lot easier to defeat. Finally, SkyNet hasn’t learned anything from all those James Bond films. They still make the Villain’s Mistake: their spokesperson (Helena Bonham Carter, sounding like an arrogant schoolmarm) tells their entire evil plan to Marcus just in time for him to attempt to foil it. If only they had continued the façade a little longer! And of course, the ultra machines know how to pursue in slow, measured steps (rather than, say, running and attacking quickly), just as all monsters have done since the days of Frankenstein. This gives the victims time to drop various molten liquids and shoot frozen hydrogen on them: very obliging!

Rating:  of 2.5 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"It's easy to see why Bale was attracted to this role, but this often fascinating actor gives one of his least interesting performances."
- Jake Wilson (The Age [Australia]

"Unfortunately, whenever this film attempts to depict anything resembling the motivational keys of emotional storytelling -- love, revenge, anger -- it feels like McG is wishing he could be blowing stuff up."
- Jason Di Rosso (MovieTime, ABC Radio National)

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Movie quotes:
Micah: You're screaming like that over a spider?
Katie: Well, yeah... did you go run and get the camera first?

"What is your quest? What is your favorite color?"
- Micah (trying to communicate with the entity)

At a glance:
Paranormal Activity defies its shoestring budget to generate tension and suspense from its simple poltergeist story

Our review (with spoilers):
Katie has been haunted by a shadowy specter since she was five. Although it appears to be mostly a poltergeist (turning on taps, scratching the walls, etc.), there was that unexplained house fire as a child; her family survived but lost the house and everything in it. Now she wants to find out what this thing is. She invites in a psychologist, and her boyfriend Micah buys an expensive camera and monitors their bedroom at night: the hotspot for visitations (but not much else while the camera is on). Micah’s filming and his ‘bring it on’ attitude seems to be aggravating the demon spirit, to the point where visits become louder and more frequent. And since Micah’s attitude toward the visitor is in direct counterpoint to Katie’s (she doesn’t want to challenge or aggravate it, or to find out what it wants), it is causing a rift to develop in what used to be a healthy relationship.

Paranormal Activity is a successful film for so many reasons. First of all, it epitomizes what indie film is all about. At the same time as you can completely enjoy the film’s created tension and inexperienced but ultra-effective performances, you can marvel at the tiny budget. Oren Peli does a lot with a single camera, two actors, and one set.

True, there are weaknesses of repetition – although this somehow works to build suspense. Katie Featherston character – and performance – has more depth to it than the one-note Micah Sloat. It’s difficult to tell if this is the actor’s fault, as Micah simply does not grow much during the film, remaining almost constantly arrogant and disbelieving. And, as in most horror films, the characters are not proactive enough to actually try to do something to get out of their predicament. The expert says it won’t help to leave the house, so they don’t leave. This seemed more like a budgetary limitation than a rational decision. Likewise, Micah is a day trader who works on a computer all day, but when it comes to research on demons, all he finds (and shares with us, anyway) is one website that, again, tells him what they shouldn’t do. You would think that many people would be trying lots of things: garlic, potions, chants – even a panic room. After all, this thing does seem to be able to close doors. Maybe it would have trouble opening a locked door.

But despite minor weaknesses, Paranormal Activity is a major success.

Rating:  3 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"Fun, creepy, unpretentious little haunted house rides like these are so hard to come by these days that slight overpraise is understandable."
- Michael Dequina (TheMovieReport.com)

"The time counter clicks away in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen, and you'll find your eyes clinging to it like a life preserver."
- Josh Larsen (LarsenOnFilm)

Up (2009)

Movie quotes:
Dug (talking dog): My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.
[Dug jumps up on Carl]
Carl: Wha. -
Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may speak - Squirrel!
[Dug interrupts himself to stare intently at something in the distance for a few long seconds]
Dug: My master is good and smart.

At a glance:
Stunning animation is used to embellish the funny and heart-lifting story of an old man who rediscovers the joy of life

Our review (with spoilers):
Carl (voiced by Edward Asner) is in the latter stages of his life. He lives alone in his tiny house, sandwiched between loud, rapidly rising skyscrapers, and endures what seem to be daily visits from people wanting to buy his house and demolish it. When he loses his temper and strikes one of them, he gets ‘invited’ into a retirement home. But Carl has a secret escape plan: on the morning of his last day in his house, thousands of tethered helium balloons are released, taking him away. Also with him is an uninvited guest: Russell (voiced by Jordan Nagai),a local boy scout who happened to be on the porch when the house detached. Carl heads for South America to pursue the dream he shared with his deceased wife Ellie. Along the way, he learns to tolerate (and even love) Russell and life.

Up’s narrative has moments of weakness, but the film also has a way of touching something deep in our psyche: the fear of growing old, the sadness of dreams that are never realized, and the joy of using our ingenuity and our imagination to achieve peace and happiness. The occasional weak links in the script are dwarfed by the general good feelings and sense of wonder. The highlight of this good vibe is one long sequence, early on, as we view the life adventure of Ellie and Carl told solely and magically with images and music. The wonderful Pixar animation serves the story rather than distracting from it; of particular beauty are the ultra-realistic jungle panoramas.

Rating:  3 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"If it had lived up to its golden first five minutes, Up would have been the film of the decade. As it is, it remains the best animated flick of 2009, a funny, moving, beautifully made argument that dreamers can move mountains."
- Ian Freer (Empire Magazine)

"A hugely enjoyable work, whose care, craftsmanship and creative courage are rarely found in mainstream films — animated or otherwise."
- Cosmo Landesman (Sunday Times [UK])

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

Movie quotes:
Ryder: So, for five-hundred bucks they'll take you on a dog-sled ride on a glacier.
Garber: Dog-sled?
Ryder: Yeah... and you know that old saying that if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes?
Garber: [stares at his boss] Right, otherwise you're always looking at the asshole of the dog in front of you.
Ryder: That'll be funny in a minute when I get to that part.
Garber: It's funny now.

Ryder: These tunnels don't change much, do they?
Garber: Just the people in 'em.

At a glance:
A solid cast, led by John Travolta and Denzel Washington, try to salvage this weak train-hijack remake, but are done in by a poorly structured script and needlessly over-stylized action sequences

Our review (with spoilers):
Personality-laden psychopath Ryder (John Travolta) assembles a band of tough ex-cons and hijacks a New York subway car, complete with hostages. His ransom demand is a cool 10 million dollars, but he has a hidden agenda that will earn him much more. To facilitate his goals, he forms an unlikely partnership with his nominated negotiator, train dispatcher Garber (Denzel Washington). Ryder considers Garber a kindred spirit – they each got in trouble for stealing money, although the amount stolen and the amount of trouble varied greatly.

There’s a bottomless well of potential drama available when you pit a crazed hostage taker in a tense battle of wits with a sharp but unsure dispatcher. Throw in Tony Scott’s ambitious editing and what could go wrong? Well, a trainful of things could. The structure of the script is way off. The psychological battle between Ryder and Garber takes center stage and becomes the dominant feature of the film. This still could have worked, but the story is again derailed by a pointless side-track into Garber’s redemption story. It seems Garber may have taken a bribe. Or maybe he didn’t. He got demoted and is under investigation by a bully boss who is obviously jealous of Garber’s success. My thoughts on this? Who cares about Garber’s redemption! Have we forgotten that we have to rescue a subway car full of hostages?  Eventually, even Ryder doesn’t care about the hostages, and this ends up being a huge plot hole. His flawed escape plan is to jettison the hostages and sneak through a neglected side-tunnel and out onto the street. Except – he’s trying to sneak out a tunnel that all the subway workers know about! This also leads to a long Ryder/Garber car chase - something that had no place in a film about a train hijacking. Finally, even Tony Scott goes fully over the top with his staccato editing. He attempts to make flying a helicopter from point A to point B much more exciting than it really could ever be.

In the end, Pelham milks what it can from its star-studded cast, with John Turturro and James Gandolfini improving on clichéd lines. Scott keeps things moving as he always does, so the film is as easy to watch as it is to forget. But why does it exist - why remake an almost perfect film?

Rating: 2 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"Featuring good work from the dependable Denzel, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 is hampered by hyper-kinetic visuals from Scott, an over-zealous turn from Travolta and a thoughtless script from Brian Helgeland."
- James Mottram (Channel 4 Film)

Whatever Works (2009)

Movie quotes:
Perry: She explained to me your theory about life being meaningless.
Boris: Don’t let it spoil your evening.

Boris: It’s uncanny. She exactly the kind of moron you described.
Marietta: You are not the gentleman I was expecting.
Boris: I’m sure not. I’m sure you’d be happy if she married the guy who caught the biggest catfish in Plakemun County.
Marietta: I’d be happier if she married the catfish.

Melodie: Oh, wait…I always carry some Viagra with me.
Randy: That’s alright, I eat a lot of red meat.

John: Who are you?
Boris: I’m her husband. You wanna pass out here, or go in the living room.

John: I can handle the truth: does she hate me?
Melodie: That was a pretty awful thing you did with her best friend.
John: Then she hates me?
Boris: Yes, yes, she hates you! I can’t stand it! I hate you and I just met you!

At a glance:
Although still a faded copy of his greatest films, Whatever Works has perfect casting and enough humor and pathos to rate as Woody Allen’s most successful movie in many years

Our review (with spoilers):
Woody Allen never gets  tired of telling the same Pygmalion-style story. An older, neurotic, intelligent Jewish man crosses paths with a much younger woman – a girl, really. She’s not too bright and she’s naïve, but she’s eager, sincere, and she learns quickly. And, of course, she’s beautiful. She’s easily influenced by this supposedly more intelligent older man, a man who is generous but complains about it. Allen’s script isn’t often funny, but it has two obvious strong points. One: Larry David has the ideal look, personality, and delivery to play the Allen character. He’s got a great ‘I don’t care if I’m funny’ going for him. Two: Evan Rachel Wood is a truly charming screen presence who refuses to play the role as a typical ‘Allen female’ clone. There are a few laugh-out-loud moments, and some heartfelt speeches about life and love. What doesn’t work are the gay jokes, and John’s (Ed Begley Jr.) lightning fast coming out transformation. Don’t compare this to early Allen – it’s obvious now that he’ll never make ‘em like he used to – but for latter-day, Allen, it is the funniest he has written since Mighty Aphrodite in 1995. I’d like to call it a comeback, but this is tempered by the fact that Allen pulled the script from a bottom drawer where it had been sitting since the 1970s.

Rating:  2.5 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"[Larry] David's human sandpaper delivery gives a full, deep voice to Allen's reckless misanthropy."
- Sean Burns (Philadelphia Weekly)

District 9 (2009)

Movie quotes:

"When dealing with aliens, try to be polite, but firm. And always remember that a smile is cheaper than a bullet."
- Automated MNU Instructional Voice

MNU Agent: MNU! We're serving eviction notices.
Alien: What is ‘eviction’?

At a glance:
Director Neill Blomcamp’s first feature length film is a gritty, action-packed, and ‘realistic’ appraisal of humankind’s most expected reaction to the presence of drastically non-human aliens in their midst

Our review (with spoilers):
Johannesburg, South Africa is the unlikely entry point for the first Earth visit from extraterrestrials. A massive ship hovers over the city for months, taking no action and showing no signs of life, before it is finally raided from below. Its starving ‘cricket-like’ occupants appeared to be rejects from another world, and they are treated as such on Earth as well. They are held in an internment camp near Johannesburg. This decrepit shack city quickly deteriorates into a slum. When the residents of Johannesburg tire of the behavior that these violent scavenging aliens bring, a mass force eviction is planned to move the creatures 200 miles north to a new tent camp.

The man sent in to command the operation, Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley), is as prejudiced as anyone. He’s probably a moderate – he’s derogatory, and has no qualms about illegally moving the aliens as long as there is a token effort made to make it look like it is legal. To his credit, he wants to do it without violence. While inspecting an alien’s shack, a small metal device sprays his face with a black fluid. De Merwe gets progressively more ill. Admitted to hospital, his arm turns into an alien claw. This is big news for the MNU, the alien wrangling / arms dealing multinational that employs him. They whisk him away and perform tests that prove De Merwe can now fire the aliens’ advanced DNA-specific laser guns. De Merwe is quickly sentenced to death by operation, his body to be unceremoniously harvested for organs and DNA, and then sold on the open market at great value.

While fleeing from his death sentence, De Merwe is sheltered by an alien (Christopher Johnson) and his son. Christopher, one of the most technically advanced aliens, has a plan to rescue his comrades and cure De Merwe.

District 9 paints an ugly picture of how humans might treat a visit from aliens. The documentary-style vision is bleak – and it’s probably a realistic appraisal of how humans would actually react. The aliens are grossly different in appearance. Humans hate and distrust those who are different. It is fair to say that the more differences, the greater the hate and distrust. Apartheid is used to isolate the aliens – in fact, the shacks used in the film are existing shacks from an apartheid area of Johannesburg. Most refreshingly, the film also scrupulously avoids any attempts at sentimentality via anthropomorphism.

District 9’s powerful themes cannot help but overpower their execution, especially when the budget was so small. The movement of the aliens suffers from obvious low-budget CGI constraints. Those comments aside, I have rarely finished watching a movie and been as keen for a sequel as I was at the end of District 9. The touching and open-ended conclusion cries out for more. And encouragingly, director Neill Blomcamp has already mentioned the ‘S’ word.

Rating:  3 of 4

Other reviewers said:
"District 9 is a ferocious fable. Potent and provocative, it is an allegory for our time. It is bursting with contemporary themes -- oppression, greed, power, propaganda, and the conflict of disparate cultures."
- Tony Macklin (tonymacklin.net)